Here are our suggestions on how best to get it done for urbancougars and hunters alike. Follow these simple rules and you'll never be lonely again. Each month we'll be adding new tips to help your game. Feel free to send your own hunting tactics to feedback@urbancougar.com.
Tips for urbancougars
- Don't be afraid to slum it
Many upscale urbancougars won't pop into a dive and drink a dollar Pabst, but they're missing the ideal opportunity to take down prey. These places are overflowing with college students trying to make the most of their parent's money. It's like shooting fish in a barrel.
- Take the lead when traveling in packs
Most prey travel in large bands, but they're often intimidated by urbancougars who do the same. urbancougars must initiate the action. Something as simple as walking up and asking them to join her and her friends for a drink should do the trick. Once the packs have joined together, nothing will separate them, save the pairing off for mad, animal sex.
- Keep it light
During initial encounters, it's best to avoid topics like your kids (if you have them) or failed past relationships. Nothing scares off prey faster than reality.
Tips for hunters
- Get on the fundraiser circuit
Many urbancougars are actively involved in philanthropic endeavors, like trying to stamp out world hunger or raise money for the philharmonic. urbancougars feel particularly charitable at this time and are even more willing to take down prey they can convince themselves have an interest in saving the whales.
- Get some culture
Don't care for art? So what. Art galleries and their ilk are swarming with eager urbancougars looking for a kill. Come up behind one and say something about the Dada movement or how you really prefer de Kooning's early work. Who cares if it makes sense. She'll pretend it does and feel extra-good about ravaging you in the janitor's closet.
- Join a gym
urbancougars love watching young bucks pump iron while they're sweating on the treadmill. If they don't take you down in between reps, they'll be sure to at the next club social.
- Frequent hotel bars
You never know when a hot traveling business cougar will be looking for a little release and guilt free sex with an anonymous partner. Try to keep it upscale, though. You might get lucky at Hampton Inn, but do you really want to?
- Get groceries
Most prey don't go to the grocery store very often because they're lazy, sloppy and generally poor eaters, but if they're in to urbancougars, they'll have to change their ways. You really can pick up urbancougars in the produce section. Something about a young man expounding the virtues of a cucumber just gets them all hot and bothered.
Have a question? Ask an urbancougar!
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