Ask Lucia

In this installment of Ask Lucia, a beautiful cougar wonders if her new cub is the real deal or just looking for a booty call.

Got your own question for Lucia, ask her now at askanexpert@urbancougar.com.

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Hi Lucia,

There is this guy who is 26 yrs old and we are attracted to each other.  I’m 41.  He comes into the salon I work at.  I saw him out one night and we ended up drinking and sleeping together.

One night he called me to have drinks but it was brief.  The other night he called to see what I was doing.  He was kind of buzzed.  He came over and we messed around but didn’t sleep together.  He kept telling me he wants to take me out on a real date but he is really busy with work   He said he would get a hotel for my birthday and we would go out for dinner. 

I don’t know what to believe anymore.  I was wondering what I should do about this?  I do like younger guys and would like to date them, but it seems all they want is sex.  How should I be acting towards this guy?

I think I know what you’re going to tell me I just need to hear it! 

Rene 


Hi Rene,

How you “act:” depends on what your goal is.  Let’s clear up one thing.  All guys want sex, not just younger guys.  You’re assuming that all younger guys want from older women is sex.  While that certainly may be true for some, it’s not true for all of them.  Some actually do want to go on dates and even have relationships.

Most of the time, the ball is in the woman’s court.  How you handle his “advances” often determines the outcome.  This means that if you have sex right away, as you did, then it will be difficult to change it into a dating relationship. 

If you want to date, then as with men of any age, you need to wait and let the guy show his interest by pursuing you.  This easily eliminates the guys who just want sex and are not willing to put in any “work”.

Don’t listen to what he says, but watch what he does.  He can say that he wants to take you out, but until he actually does, it’s just small talk.  If you want to date him, then the next time he contacts you, let him know you will be happy to meet him out somewhere.  Don’t let him come back to your place or go back to his. 



About Lucia
Lucia is urbancougar.com's resident expert on cougar-cub relationships. To ask her a question, contact her at askanexpert@urbancougar.com.

Host of the popular L.A. radio show, “The Art of Love” and a syndicated advice columnist, Lucia is a renowned cougar relationship expert and former Urbancougar of the Month. She has shared her wisdom on countless radio and television programs including The Tyra Banks Show, E! Entertainment, The KTLA Morning Show, and Playboy Radio. Her book, Lucia’s Lessons in Love, is available for purchase here.