A tale of two Cougars

Both of my encounters with Cougars happened while in my senior year (one in high school, one in college).

The first encounter happened in Panama City, Fl. The year was 2001 and I was down with about 25 friends from high school. We were on a week long bender including a lot of drugs and bodily fluids. It was about half way through the week and we were throwing a kegger in our room. We had quite a few randoms show up, none as ridiculous as my first Cougar. I really shouldn’t say I got her, but it was an encounter none the less. The Cougar actually woke me up around 10pm ( I had passed out already). She was quite the ambitious Cougar, and I was still drunk and half asleep. Her name was “Beef” and she was well into her thirties. She smelled of cigarettes and Jack Daniels, my kind of woman. She spotted me from across the room and pounced. She straddled me and began to suck my face. Her breath tasted like fish, a carnivore! Still, all was well. I had only had sex with one girl at the time, so this was an unexpected and welcome surprise. I was quite ready to seal the deal, even with a room full of people, until I heard something that made me stop in my tracks. I overheard someone say married! At the time, I had a policy against married woman. I felt around for a ring and there it was. It looked like something out of a Cracker Jack box, but a wedding band’s a wedding band. I threw her off of me and caught hell from my friends. It turned out for the best; my friends spotted her fifteen minutes later straddling a biker while on his Harley, sucking his face. Yikes! Rating: Coyote.

My second Cougar experience was much better.

There must be something about being close to graduation and being in Florida that attracts Cougars to me. I was in Camdenton, Fl. (a small suburb of Jacksonville) when the next attack occured. The year was 2005 and we were at a seedy biker bar that was playing a lot of classic rock (fucking Journey man). This was a townie bar, and seven preppy ass spring breakers stuck out, bad. It was like being the only guy not wearing make-up at a Cure concert. There were a couple of Cougs hanging around, knowing that we were ripe for the taking. I tried my luck at dancing with a couple of them, but was denied. My hopes were dashed, but only temporarily. I had to play the college kid with an old soul to attract the wild beast. We ended up bringing two of them back to my friend’s grandma’s retirement village condo. One Coug immediately lured my friend into a bedroom. Apparently smelling like Jaeger is like wearing Cougar musk. They ended up leaving around three am. I got the other one’s number, and wasn’t ready to give up yet. I called her up and got her to come back over. She drove a huge truck, sweet. This gal definitely classified as a Trans Am Cougar. We ended up going to the swimming pool in the middle of the retirement village, surrounded by old folk’s patios and front doors. We got naked and I had my first Cougar in the pool. We ended up going until the sun started to come up. I walked her back to her truck where I learned some frightening facts. I noticed a pair of soccer cleats bigger than mine in the back of her truck. They were her 16 year old son’s! I had no idea she was forty one. Next to the cleats were cleaning supplies. Come to find out I had bagged a Merry Maid Cougar, grrrrrrrr!

Rating: Merry Maid/ Camero