The Ringer (alternately: The Ring Master):
Quite simply, the master. This guy's bedded so many urbancougars it's not even a game anymore; it's his profession. It may have started off innocently enough - a tryst with a coug when he was just out of school - but over the years he has honed his skills and now takes cougs down exclusively. Ladies beware.
The Junior Banker:
This particularly virulent breed of prey plays king of the bar (once he leaves the confines of his office where he's everyone's lackey bitch). But once any urbancougar worth her salt gets her hands on him, he will be crying for his mommy.
The Entire Male Staff of Any Restaurant in the World:
There are three breeds in this particular classification:
The waiter: It's this fella's job to entertain groups of nighttime urbancougars. The waiter is equally good at remembering your order of a lettuce wedge with a side of spicy vinaigrette as he is at getting an urbancougar's number on a crumpled napkin.
The bartender: Bartenders are well known for providing a thoughtful ear to many a woebegone barfly. And among those barflies are countless women like you, seduced by his luscious chocolate martinis and pulse.
The busboy: Just like his craft, he is there to clean up the mess and the messier women.
The Summer Intern (alternately: That Dude from the Mail Room):
The buff college stud who spends all day in the office doing your mundane work and spends all night waxing your ass.
The Frat Boy:
If you can endure the khaki pants and faint smell of vomit, you can have this guy and his entire chapter house faster than you can say "keg stand."
The Friend's Younger Brother (alternately: The Bad Idea):
There may be no animal more susceptible to the seductions of an urbancougar than the younger brother. Once you get your teeth into him, he's utter helpless. But you must remember: Not all of your friends are going to be happy that you screwed their little brother's brains out on the living room floor. So keep it to yourself.
The Latino Gardener:
This breed, along with The Pool Guy, has been well documented in bad movies and in hundreds of soap operas. He is particularly popular with middle-aged WASP urbancougars who consider him "exotic."
The Virgin:
Not an actual virgin, but rather the guy who gets the deer in the headlights look after you've made your advance. Once you've stunned him, he'll be in your bed in less than 60 seconds flat. But be careful. He may become attached. It's best you tell him to leave immediately so as not to give him the wrong idea.
The Under-30 Human Male Who Has Consumed an Alcoholic Beverage Within the Hour:
The reality is that just about any under thirty year-old guy can be had by any reasonably sexy older woman.
