In the spirit of the urbancougar "community", we have dedicated this section for our fans to contribute their own definitions and classifications of urbancougars and the men who adore them.
Have you own classification? Please submit to feedback@urbancougar.com.
Felinae Amazonian:
Felinae Amazonian, the tallest of the hunting breed, capable of kills of great speed and daring. Their height gives them a distinct advantage over other cougars, prey can spot them easily over their shorter cousins yet are helpless to run. Amazonians are ruthless and often snatch prey away from other cougars.
Gulfstream:
(Heavy Jet, fastest jet in the sky, has the most range of any jet, carries 12 pax, all leather, flat screen tv's, bar, bed, plush bathroom, 5 layer one of a kind paint-job, top of the line GPS.)
The Gulfstream Cougar is fast and cunning in her ways. More sleek than any cougar confined to the mainland.
Knows her way around the skies and has visited most world renowned cougar dens.
Gulfstream Cougars make their way round the world by selecting only those pray who own their own private jets. Be careful when lying to these cougars.
They have a sense of smell like a canine and can utilize their internal GPS system to locate a commercial flyer from a mile away.
If you are fortunate enough to get one into bed, or at a cruising altitude of 51,000 feet, she's got ultra long range to go all night long at Mach .885.
Recognizing this rare cougar breed is not an easy task. Mostly do to their rare sightings. There are less than 25 Gulfstream Cougars here in the US
and that's more than the rest of the world combined. If you are lucky enough to spot one, her make-up will be meticulously applied to provide a glossy,
dazzling appearance with razor sharp lines and uncommon attention to detail. If you do come across one, gather yourself, whip out your enhanced vision system,
and utilize your highest level of situational awareness to judge your landing.
The "Real Deal" Rolls Royce:
So...you think you’ve spotted a Rolls Royce? Maybe, maybe not. Like Rolexes and Chanel bags, there are a lot of good Knock Off’s out there. Understanding the quality difference and how to spot it is key to the conquesting young man hoping to bag the trophy, or better still, feeling that he’s been bagged... by the Bag, as it were.
This seasoned girl cat is all huntress and recognized by Wild Life aficionado’s as the rarest, most desirable Cougar type. She supports herself. Always has. She buys her own dinners, her own Louis and La Perla and writes the mortgage check herself, or is at least capable of it. Others have tried to tame her, but she’s not the type to be content to wear a diamond collar and pad around the pent house. She’s an instinctive killer. She’s smart and can size up an adversary or momentary mate in about a minute flat. She’s wary of traps, fakes and fools. But she can also sniff out prime Grade A meat and is quick to pounce when she finds it.
What you can expect:
The Real Deal will need to be coaxed. She won’t fall for the dumb "Here, kitty-kitty" line. But if handsome bucks throw down the plastic, exude confidence, some charm and intelligent conversation, she’ll nip at the bait. In keeping with Survival of the Fittest laws, she only responds to the biggest and the best of the Urban Jungle. Sickly dopes, weaklings and those with dinky horns need not apply with her.
How much she’s had at the watering hole, or how long it’s been since her last feeding, will determine how far she takes things. She makes her own rules and is fairly unpredictable. She’s just as likely to leave a nasty scratch as she is apt to curl up on a lap. He will intend for his encounter with her to be a momentary thing but will run the risk of falling victim to the fascinating allure of this rare exotic beast. If he puts out the appropriate morsels to keep her coming around, he will find she’s a choice pet that he may be inclined to want to keep for himself. (No chance, she’s a wild animal at heart) She’ll certainly impress all his little friends, though they’ll scarcely see her…she is stealth and shadowy and has lots of Cougarly activities to attend to.
Long Term:
She may foot the cell phone bill of her little play thing for a couple months, teach him about wine and treat him to nice dinners and few designer duds. But he won’t hold her attention for more than a season (tops) and eventually his carcass will be left on the prairie for the buzzards. It will be an enjoyable and blissful end for him, however, being batted about by her and he’ll learn a lot. When she tires of him, she will be kind and fair about it. He will never forget the experience, or her.
The Knock Off
In appearance, equally lovely and well heeled as The Real Deal, the Knock Off is much more common, easily had and should be approached with caution. Like her Real Deal counterpart, she is an elite survivor, but because she’s been hand-fed since birth, is more prone to exist on scavenging than actual hunting. Ultimately, she prefers the gilded cage to independent life in the wild. She lives on the fringes of her dwindling environment. It’s changed on her… reduced from its former sprawling habitat. She may have cubs and if so, is probably reliant on meat tossed out monthly by the male who fathered her kids. He also bought her boobs a few years ago. If she’s lucky, the bones he tosses her still outfit her in Prada and maintain the gym membership and Botox treatments. She’s looking for a posh new home and until she finds it, will sleep wherever she can find a warm spot to bed down, invited or not.
What you can expect:
Anything. And it’s likely that it will probably all be weird. But if you’re into that, the value of one crazy night spent with her is not to be discounted. Less discerning than the "Real Deal", if food and drink is extended, "The Knock Off" will nuzzle up and get cozy.
Long Term:
If her hot young prey has unlimited access to cash, she will be seeking a permanent loving home. She will stalk him relentlessly in this pursuit. If he is simply good looking and poor, she will chase him playfully until she spots a mature Tiger with a wallet capable of keeping her in the lifestyle to which she has become accustomed. When this occurs, her play thing will be dumped without notice, most likely to his great relief. Given her survival instincts and the cat fights and tough scrapes she frequently finds herself in, this type can be nasty, in a bad way. In the morning, young bucks may be smart not to leave her with their phone number. Especially if they have a little kitten girlfriend.
How to differentiate between Real Deals and Knock Offs:
Both are equally beautiful, expensively turned out and well maintained. Through closing time, Real Deals will exhibit behavior one would expect of a healthy Cougar in the wild. Round about midnight, Knock Offs will behave like a circus animal.
